The Lie Detector Test
by Rissohma
Summary: Emmett brings home a lie detector test and the Cullen family is appalled at the answers that Edward gives. A OneShot Humor.


**This is a spur of the moment, written in 15 minutes as I wait for Death Note to come on story :P I hope that perhaps those 15 minutes can make someone at least chuckle? lol. **

**Please review after reading???**

I could feel a drop of sweet trickle down the back of my neck and was vaguely aware of my nervously tapping toe. Emmett's eyes were baring into mine- filled with determination and accusation. I took a breathe and told myself to calm down. The stress would give me away.

"Yes." I answered in a monotone voice, hoping that my efforts towards confidence would work out. I held my breathe as I waited for the results.

The seconds ticked by as Emmett looked down at the tiny machine placed on his lap. When he finally looked up at me, there was a grin plastered on his face.

"Liar." he said triumphantly. "You've dreamt of being with more people than just Edward."

I could feel the blush return to my face as the rest of the Cullen family got off of the couch to see the small machine that Emmett was holding. Ever since Emmett had received the machine only hours ago, I had been the test subject as he asked the most pointless and embarrassing questions. Whenever I asked where he got it, he simply says "Don't worry about it."

"Who was it?" Rosalie asked, amused at my embarrassment.

My blush slowly returned and I ripped the few pads that were taped to my body and left my chair.

"I'm done being you're test subject." I announced exasperatingly. "Why can't you embarrass someone in your family? Why not Edward?!"

It was a hypothetical question- but Emmett's eyes widened and he looked around the group until he saw Edward.

"No." Edward immediately said.

"Come on. It's not like you have anything to hide!" Emmett reasoned from his chair. Alice had already picked up the small pads to tape to Edward's chest and arm.

"And if you do then it's time to see how great of a liar you really are." Rosalie added, though there was no hostility in her voice.

Edward shot me one pleading look and I gestured towards the chair that I was previously sitting at. As he stomped his way to the chair, he mumbled something that I couldn't understand, but that made Alice giggle. The room grew quiet as Emmett picked up and read off of a large box.

"Focus on only what I am saying and try to remain calm. Only answer with the word 'Yes' and---"

"Is this really necessary?" Edward interrupted.

"If you want this to be 100 accurate, then yes. It's necessary. Only answer with the word 'Yes' and don't allow your mind to travel to other topics. Try your best to relax. Do you understand?"

"But what if what you say isn't true? Then I can't say yes. Where did you get this anyway?" Edward asked confused.

"Just answer with yes. The machine will be able to tell that it's a lie and then I'll say that you lied. And as to where I got this- don't worry about it." Edward opened his mouth to speak but Emmett quickly asked the first question. "Do you love Bella?

My breathe caught in my throat at the words. Nervously, I looked at Edward. His face was in a cool, serene expression as he made his answer. "Yes."

I held my breathe as Emmett waited for the machine to analyze the results. "You're telling the truth, you do love Bella."

Edward rolled his eyes again, as if it was obvious and opened his mouth to speak.

"Hey!" Emmett interrupted. "The rules! Always say 'Yes', relax and do not let your mind travel to other topics. That includes no talking. Now, have you ever had feelings for Alice?"

The serene face returned as he said the answer that he was obligated by the rules to say.

"Yes."

Alice chuckled at the absurdity of the chance of Edward ever liking her as more than a sibling. I found the humor myself, but it was obvious that Emmett was only asking questions that he knew Edward would have to say yes to, no matter how unlikely they were.

Emmett's eyes widened. "That's...true? You've had feelings for Alice?"

Alice stopped giggling and I could feel tension a few feet to my right. Jasper. Edward opened his mouth to defend himself but Emmett scolded him about the rules again. Grudgingly, Edward sat back down. I'm sure that he was planning on arguing this later.

"Are you a vampire?" Emmett tried, obviously trying to see whether or not the machine was broken.

"Yes."

A few moments passed. "Yes. You're telling the truth."

Jasper was still feeling tense, but the calmness was beginning to come over me. Either he was no longer as stressed about the new information, or he was aware of how he was affecting everyone.

"Have you ever had feelings for Jasper?" Emmett joked, hardly able to contain his chuckle.

Edward rolled his eyes at the immaturity of his brother and answered the question with the only response he was allowed to. "Yes."

Emmett couldn't contain his booming laughter anymore, though, and eventually Rosalie had to walk to the machine to see the results. Her eyes widened and Emmett stopped laughing. "That's...true." she said simply.

Edward's eyes widened too and his mouth fell opened. He glanced at me to see my reaction and then returned them to Emmett.

"What is---" he began.

"No talking!" Emmett chastised. "One more question." he thought for a moment. "Have you ever wished to be in a sexual relationship with another man?"

Immediately Edward stood up. "I am not going to be your amusement." he said as he began to peel off one of the pads.

"This is the last one." Emmett promised, pushing Edward back on the chair. He honestly looked curious.

"Fine!" Edward practically yelled. "Yes!"

Emmett immediately returned to the results. "It's the truth."

"No way." Rosalie gasped from behind Jasper.

"What?" Edward demanded. "That stupid toy of your's is broken!" he said angrily.

"Nu-uh." Emmett stated, reaching for the manual. "This has a 99.9 of being correct. It was tested before hand so it's not broken or anything."

"Well it is now." Edward stated, smashing the machine against the wall and storming out of the room. Emmett was about to follow after him when Jasper reached for the collar of his shirt.

"How does this machine work exactly?" Jasper asked, his voice sounding as if he hardly cared.

"When people lie their pulses increase by a few beats. This machine can compare the typical amount of beats a minute from when he was originally given the test, to the amount when he is asked a question. If the amount doesn't increase, then he's telling the truth." Emmett answer warily, still eyeing the door that Edward had left through.

"And Edward's beats per minute didn't increase?" Jasper asked. Where was he getting at?

"Right."

"Emmett.." Jasper sighed as his hand ran through his hair uncomfortably. "Edward's dead. He doesn't have a pulse."

**Please review? I'd appreciate it sooo much :)**


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